"On Death and Dying"

Yes, my friends, we will be taking a morbid turn of events and travel to the dark side. Whilst I grieve and mourn the loss of my grandpa, I look into the grim world of death and decay. I chose to limit my apparel to all black and outline my eye with deep black eyeliner to reveal the strife within.

Nah, I’m just joshing you. Yes, I am grieving. My other grandpa died when I was very young. I lost the only grandpa I had growing up. So, of course, there is grief. However, my sanity is found in psychology; the stages of grief to be exact. I’m coping through having the ability to try and determine others and my state of mind and placing them and myself within these groups. It is in our human nature to seek meaning and categorize. Why fight it? Especially, when I could find solace during these moments of grief.

 “On Death and Dying” is a book, written by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, which was inspired by working with terminally ill patients. The hypothesis stated that, when facing loss or death, a person experiences several emotional stages. These stages are not chronologically defined; one may move through these stages or jump back and forth between stages. They are also not complete; there may be more emotional experiences one must endure or they may not experience every stage presented.

Many people have come to accept the five-stages of grief, though its validity has not been tested. Some, like Recover from Grief, have found that there are additional stages to consider. I will be addressing these stages as we go along.

My Ally and Advocate

My grandpa passed away August 16, 2012. It’s been really difficult. He was my ally and my advocate. At the viewing, I was amongst the traditional Mexican family members. Your worth is judged by your appearance, significant other and how many children you have. My grandpa never really placed value on that. He emphasized education and having a career. He place importance on my talents…the gifts God gave me. He stood by the decisions I made and understood my stance on why I chose to live the way I do.

I always had a difficult time communicating with him, despite this bond we shared. I think it was his strength. He was a strong man who valued a strong work ethic. He fixed things properly and did not take a band-aid approach. He critiqued my bedroom when I decided to paint it for the very first time…he wasn’t easy to please, but, with his comments, I wasn’t belittled or hurt. I was able to grow and do a better job for the next time. Perhaps, I was intimidated by him and that’s why I couldn’t communicate better? Could it have been the fact that I didn’t know how to respond to him? I’m not sure.

I didn’t get my strength from him, however. My grandma raised me to be strong and be my own person. I cannot deny her that fact. No, I was not a strong person due to my grandpa. I was a compassionate person, because of him. You can have all the strength in the world, but, without compassion, life can become very tiresome and rough. Compassion is what makes us human. We acknowledge and seek to alleviate others suffering. To be compassionate is to have enough strength within us to share with others. We teach others how to be strong and how to share the wealth of strength within us. We give in the hopes that they will share what has been given. We teach so that they will learn and educate others along the way. He taught me what compassion is about.

I have his lessons to rely on and memories to hold close to my heart. Yet, I still feel alone amongst the family members. I have lost my ally and that is a difficult concept to grasp.

Social Pariah

“All mankind is of one author, and is of one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated…As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness…No man is an island, entire of itself…any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”¹ “Human beings do not thrive when isolated from others;” therefore, we must look outward to work on ourselves. What we do creates the butterfly effect and plays a role in other patterns.

What does that mean for me? I like my island very much and I like to travel to my island a lot. Sometimes the natives kick me out – they think I’m crazy – but for the most part I enjoy my solitude on my lovely island with unicorns and rainbows. I understand the need for us to look outward in order for us to grow. A lifetime isn’t enough time to learn all of one’s mistakes…we must learn from each other. On a more personal note, I feel that our soul isn’t pretty unless we seek to better society through helping others achieve their goals. With that said…what is the big hubbub about being with others?

I am a social pariah. I am a single woman at twenty-nine years old. I have never been married and, well, never been in a serious relationship. The closest to a long term relationship I had was with a guy for three months and it closely resembled “Shaimee’s” relationship from “The Big Bang Theory.” “One must kiss many frogs before she finds her prince,” I have been told MANY, countless times. My theory is…why the heck am I going to go around kissing frogs and getting warts when I can just spot the frog with the crown and kiss him?

I know what I want in life. I know what kind of man I want in life. Until I find him, I’m going to be single and happy. I have gone to restaurants alone, movies alone and played the third wheel many times. However, I try to enjoy myself and, besides playing the third wheel, I have enjoyed my “me time” immensely.

Of course, no man is an island and, when one tends to prefer single-dom, society has a tendency to berate those who have their islands…for reasons unknown to me. Single women have the labels of being ugly or high-maintenance. There is also a new label coming out that single women are shallow. Since when is it bad to not settle? We push our children to do their best and aim for the starts. Why can’t we do the same in relationships? How come people feel the need to pair others up, when they have nothing in common? Why must we kiss every frog instead of waiting for that one with the crown?

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1) Donne, John. (2012). Devotions upon emergent occasions and seuerall steps in my sickness –Meditation XVII, 1624. Retrieved from The Phrase Finder.

Wally's Vendetta

I’ve never liked Wal-Mart. Wally World and I have a hate-hate relationship. I hate Wally and he hates me. We’ve grown to accept that as a fact of life. There are times I try to make amends and go visit Wally. I find that I’m low on sugar or milk. Oh, no…Wally reminds me of his vendetta against me. Yes, indeed, he does have a vendetta against me.

One thing about Wal-Mart, there is absolutely no space. There is no space for people, no space for stockers and no space for privacy. I have, on many occasions, found shoppers checking out my cart for one reason or another. Why is that? Why must they feel the need to seek entertainment in other people’s carts?!?

The worst grocery-seeking shoppers are the elderly women. I have learned to take my iPod and plug my earphones in to avoid shopper contact. Yet, these women have no regards to music-loving avoidances. Time and time again, I feel the tap on my shoulder or the breath down my neck. My spine shivers as I turn to see the denture-smiling face. I, then, have to pull out my earphones and say, “Oh, I’m sorry. I was listening to my music;” Thus inviting a conversation.

One of the worst conversations I had was in the television dinner isle. One lady stopped me to ask why I have so many TV dinners. In response, I explained that I like to have them for dinner. “A lady like [me] should really learn how to cook,” was her response. Of course, she had to include the infamous, “How will you find yourself a nice husband if you can’t cook?” In an attempt to throw her off loop, I quickly responded, “I’m married.”

“Well, then, why don’t you wear a wedding ring?”

Darn, she got me there…

Once again, Wally, your vendetta against me is clear!