My Ally and Advocate

My grandpa passed away August 16, 2012. It’s been really difficult. He was my ally and my advocate. At the viewing, I was amongst the traditional Mexican family members. Your worth is judged by your appearance, significant other and how many children you have. My grandpa never really placed value on that. He emphasized education and having a career. He place importance on my talents…the gifts God gave me. He stood by the decisions I made and understood my stance on why I chose to live the way I do.

I always had a difficult time communicating with him, despite this bond we shared. I think it was his strength. He was a strong man who valued a strong work ethic. He fixed things properly and did not take a band-aid approach. He critiqued my bedroom when I decided to paint it for the very first time…he wasn’t easy to please, but, with his comments, I wasn’t belittled or hurt. I was able to grow and do a better job for the next time. Perhaps, I was intimidated by him and that’s why I couldn’t communicate better? Could it have been the fact that I didn’t know how to respond to him? I’m not sure.

I didn’t get my strength from him, however. My grandma raised me to be strong and be my own person. I cannot deny her that fact. No, I was not a strong person due to my grandpa. I was a compassionate person, because of him. You can have all the strength in the world, but, without compassion, life can become very tiresome and rough. Compassion is what makes us human. We acknowledge and seek to alleviate others suffering. To be compassionate is to have enough strength within us to share with others. We teach others how to be strong and how to share the wealth of strength within us. We give in the hopes that they will share what has been given. We teach so that they will learn and educate others along the way. He taught me what compassion is about.

I have his lessons to rely on and memories to hold close to my heart. Yet, I still feel alone amongst the family members. I have lost my ally and that is a difficult concept to grasp.